The Male Ego is a term that is frequently used in common speech as well as in the realms of psychiatry. It is used to refer to the attitude and behavior of a person who has an exaggerated opinion of his capabilities and importance. Such a person is primarily perceived to be a pompous and conceited person who tries to assert his importance in various ways usually in the presence of others. This sort of behavior is more often than not observed in men rather than women and hence is referred to as “The Male Ego”.
We’ve all either heard of (or first-handedly experienced), he won’t ask for directions . . .when he’d rather do a bad job himself than hire someone or get help . . .when he would rather give the wrong answer than say “I don’t know” . . . when he feels compelled to offer advice when you just want someone to listen = yup, The Male Ego.
If we want to go back to the source, Sigmund Freud posited that “the ego represents what may be called reason and common sense.” It is also the source of defense mechanisms, which explains why, in men, the ego often manifests itself in protective measures.
A male ego is often associated with a poor opinion of oneself in comparison with others and is believed to stem from an inherent complex which may alternate between feelings of superiority and inferiority resulting in the desire to impress others. The male ego also manifests itself in various ways primarily related to one’s accomplishments in life.
However, the Male Ego is also a delicate blend of internalizations, rationale, sensitive- objective (as well as internal) data, emotions, ideologies, our father-figures, prior relationships and so on and so on.
Guys pretend to be tough, im
pervious to pain, but the ironic thing is that the male ego is as fragile as an egg. Or, as “NewYorkMoments” wrote, “The male ego is like a zeppelin. It’s big & bloated & full of hot air. In fact, it’s so big it floats, but one little spark destroys the entire thing.” Many agree that being a Guy – means you are respectable, tough, can handle your own, yet will expel a lion’s roar to either defend what’s yours. Beyond that mane of fur – or in this case, perhaps a beard – lies yet another human being with feelings, emotions and concern.
Every man is terrified that in the end, he will have amounted to nothing. No matter how much he has accomplished… deep-down inside he is afraid that it is all going to go away and he is going to remain a nothing, a non-entity, a zero.
Because the Male Ego is such a broad spectrum of what encompasses of who you are today, one can presume that the “Gay” Male Ego can be even more complicated. Is this why so many gay men grow facial hair, find interest in wearing black leather and/or lift weights? We’d love to hear what you think !
It probably begins when we’re a child. We are instilled with the values, esteem, respect, ethics and formations of who our male caretaker or 
father figure has, is or was. We tend to want to become those respectable traits that impresses upon us during our sensitive period (for lack of a better word). However, sometimes violent, angry and masochistic traits are also adopted and interpreted as being a man – having those not-so-desirable characteristics.
A friend once told me, “I don’t see how 2 gay men can be together….the Male Ego is always at competition with each other.” That saying really struck a cord with me; primarily because it is typically very true. I believe that there is an extra, added layer to the Gay man’s ego. It’s one that is usually tender, responsive and more sensitive.
So, how does a gay male deal with another gay male’s ego? Be careful, it’s definitely a force to be reckoned with. I’d be curious as to your thoughts on this article as well as, “How to Stroke the Male Ego: (Words that Make him Feel like a King)“ Post your comments below . . .
