Ready, Set, Date! A Guide to Gay Dating!

Ok, so it’s a new year and you’re ready to put yourself out there once again. Prepare yourself. Get ready, set, date!

You’re interested in gay dating but you just don’t know how to go about it. Darlin’, let’s face it, we’ve all done the bar thing. You’ve let your best friend or your gal-pal set you up. You’ve even logged onto a gay dating website. But the man of your dreams is still out there, just waiting for you to find him. So, what’s a guy to do next? Be smarter!

Cancel your plans with your buddy (who’s not quite a friend) to meet-up for that apple martini and hunker down for a night in with a book that could very possibly change your life forever.

Whether you’re new to the gay dating scene or just wanting a refresher course, in Boyfriend 101, By Jim Sullivan, you’ll find an abundance of practical tips for meeting the right man (and avoiding the wrong ones) and keeping him (and you) interested for the long term.

BOYFRIEND 101, By Jim Sullivan

Topics include:

• Deciding what you need versus what you want in a boyfriend
• Icebreakers that actually work
• Expanding your social network
• The best places to meet men
• Writing a hot personal ad or online profile
• First-date protocols (or, Waiting until after the third date to have sex)
• Discussing HIV and negotiating safe sex
• Maintaining a healthy body image
• Overcoming fear of abandonment
• Creating healthy lines of communication with your boyfriend

From the early days of Gay Liberation until the early 1980s, the primary place for meeting gay singles was gay bars. The bar scene was the hub of gay life. In bars, men dished, met new friends, fell in love, and broke up. Every gay traveler carried the Damron Address Book, the bible of gay travel. With the onset of AIDS in the early eighties, the golden age of bars ended. Suddenly, there were vastly more important things to do-ministering to others; taking care of one’s own health-than hanging out in bars. With the decreasing importance of bars in the culture, new ways of relating emerged, as gay men sought alternatives to bars as places to socialize and to shelter themselves from the storm outside.

By the early 1990s, gay dating patterns for gay men had undergone a profound change. Previously, men met and either fell in love at first sight and became lovers fairly quickly, or had sex and, if it didn’t work out, moved on. One rarely heard-let alone used-the “D” word. It sounded too straight. It took too much time. The expectation of immediately having sex with a man was so ingrained in gay culture that the idea of postponing what was only “natural” seemed old-fashioned and sex-phobic. To be gay was to have sex. Now.

The ritual of dating became a new phenomenon. New organizations sprang up across the United States, and gay community centers became an alternative hub of gay life, where one could meet other gay singles in a non-bar environment, yet perhaps do something worthwhile for their community. Many men rubbed elbows with lesbians for the first time at gay centers, and experienced firsthand another model of same-sex coupling. It’s almost comical however, that very few lesbians were looking for the absolutely “perfect” body yet, gay men were not only looking for their Adonis, but also for immediate gratification.
Some men retreat at the notion of dating, because they’re afraid of intimacy. But those days are gone forever. The pattern shift from bars, cruising, and immediate sex to dating, courtship, and long-term relationships defines today’s gay landscape.

Buy BOYFRIEND 101, By Jim Sullivan Right Now!

So, what is a “Date”?

You’re having a date when you meet a guy at a specified place and time in pursuit of the possibility of future romantic involvement. The operative words are possibility and future; throw the notion of immediate gratification out the window, because delayed gratification is part of the new standard.
Gay “dating” in the past was about immediacy, quickness, get-in-and-get-out, secrecy, fuck buddies, no commitments — there was always an exit. Many gay men seized these opportunities as a means to explore their sexuality and to resist the heterosexual norms that had been placed upon them. No gay men wants to be told what to do in bed or out of it.
This new shift of being single, has brought to gay singles the challenge of a new approach to intimacy. Learning how to date men, rather than just have sex with them, includes acknowledging and accessing yourself.

10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love

By Joe Kort
The author of the best-selling “10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives” turns his attention to the burning question of love. “There are few books for gay men on not only what to look for in Mr. Right but how to become Mr. Right. My book will address both. It is not just about finding him, it is what you do after you find him,” says author Joe Kort. A certified Relationship Therapist, Kort transform the lives & relationships of countless gay couples he has worked with in 20 years of private practice. In “Your Sexual Shadow,” one of his new book’s 10 life-altering chapters, Kort unveils a surprising and groundbreaking idea that explores how decoding sexual fantasies can often unlock the mystery to what gay men are looking for in a partner and why. This will be particularly elucidating to men who have been conditioned to believe their sexual fantasies are an obstacle to long-term relationships. How can the secret logic of “dark” sexual desires help you find Mr. Right? “So many of my clients say they have to get better before they find Mr. Right,” reports Kort. ” I think that is often a reason to avoid relationships and simply not true.” His new book is a practical guide to set gay men on the path to true love today.

Joe Kort is a therapist in private practice since 1985, specializing in gay-affirmative psychotherapy. His first book, 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives, was a national gay and lesbian bestseller.

Buy 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives Right Now

Gay and Single…Forever?

By Steven Bereznai
10 Things Every Gay Guy Looking for Love (and Not Finding It) Needs to Know

Other than it being a book with a rather lengthy title, this book is exactly what you think it is: advice on dating… and coincidently, not dating if you don’t want to. In a world where single gay men now have societal expectations to marry (jetting off to one of the states we are allowed to), partner, become involved in an LTR or are simply labeled as Confirmed-Bachelors, the new gay man tends to feel guilty when they are alone. “Being gay and single is the new smoking,” playwright Paul Rudnick has said. “It won’t be socially acceptable anymore, and you will have to go outside.” If you enjoy your own company & space and don’t find it necessary to look for replacement companionship via another man and you are confidently single . . . this book is definitely for you !

This book gives you a brilliant, eye-opening social commentary within a guide to a gay man’s love life… or lack thereof. With touches of humor and lightheartedness throughout, the book details why Not dating is okay if you choose not to rely upon a partner or fall into the newly-assigned social expectation to be partnered. The first chapter is appropriately titled, “Gay is good – being gay and single used to be, too.” The key words here are “used to be.”

This book becomes highly recommendable to any gay man who is feeling guilt over not being in a relationship. Think back to your roots and follow the key plan that the gay community has been trying to illustrate since the beginning of our cause: just be yourself, whatever that may be, and don’t let anyone tell you that you have to be otherwise. Just because they’re saying that you can’t get legally married doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy your life with someone special in your life. But, if you enjoy your singleness, this book will affirm & assist you to flourish as your own special, strong & single-standing rose in this world.

Buy Gay And Single …Forever? Right Now!